Man. These days I barely have anyone to actually talk with. People actually have their lives to live. I wonder when was the point when they knew they’d just stop talking with me.

I know a lot of people, but they’ve all just stopped lol

Once I get a job I know I’m going to be able to keep the first thing I’m doing is moving out of state. I’m going to make a lot of changes.

I hate that I feel like I wont be able to talk or see these people again, but if no one has the time to make the effort for me like I’ve done to them, then moving on is my only real option.

I often hate the thought of moving on. Unless its with someone who really turned out to be heartless and fake. I hate thinking that “life goes on.” Okay. Yeah life goes on. Things change, but does so many people you’ve known for years have to just vanish for so long?

I know it must be done in order for life to go round, but I’ve never felt completely alright with that thought in mind.

Okay. I kind of redone my page a bit. I’ve added on a good bit to my “About Me” section and a new background. I don’t know if I’ll be keeping it though. 

Ooooh yes! AAAAAND if anyone would like to be my friend on le PS3 just look up my username: sanrok2. 

Here’s a small list of games I usually play on it: 

  • Dark Souls (And sometimes Demon’s Souls)
  • Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3
  • Shadow of the Colossus X ICO HD
  • DmC: Devil May Cry
  • Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception 
  • Dead or Alive 5
  • Devil May Cry 4 (Wish it had trophies for the PS3 >__<)
  • Borderlands 2

I’m up to play multiplayer on the playable multiplayer games listed :3

Sometimes I forget that I’m not getting any younger, yet I’ve never really considered myself an adult. I’m just someone. Just no one specific with any sort of title. There’s nothing really extraordinary about me. I don’t do much of anything that benefits anyone else.

I’m not trying to sound pessimistic or anything, but that’s just the way I see things about myself. I know I’m a good person, but have I really done anything to contribute to life? Have I really helped anyone out? Have I ever made a positive change in someone’s life?

The Drifting

I despise to see life drift.

Drifting from all which I’ve known for so long. Familiar faces spacing from view.

Its becoming harder to speak. Harder to see. Sometimes hard to remember times when I could actually talk to certain people and know that I’d be able to talk with them the next day.

First they’re here, then they’re gone.

Its just that life takes it course. That this is natural. That it was to happen eventually. Yes, I know. I know this. But does it HAVE to happen?

Do people HAVE to forget? No to say that my heart was ever sour to them. We were great friends, then life took its course and tore us apart. 

When I try to communicate with you. When I see you talk with others and not me, it makes me feel like there was something I didn’t do right.

At times I think to myself. I wonder how was I even able to talk with such a person, because they seem so great and well known to others. Easy to get along with, and it feels like they always have people there for them.

I don’t feel like I have that luxury. 

I know I’m wrong with all these thoughts and everything I say, but this is just the way I think over a long period of time.

What else am I suppose to think when you go from talking with a person everyday, to talking with them or seeing them only once a few months?

I’m really grateful for life, but I feel like it cheats me a lot. Like I deserve more than what I get. 

It would just be nice to be someone’s number one person for a change. Just in any situation. Maybe they’d be really happy to see or talk with me. Make an effort to communicate with me.

I haven’t always been the type to put myself out there, and I can’t say I’m there 100%. But I do try. I’ve been trying now more than ever. Knowing that one day these days will be forever gone. That I wont have the chance to relax and do what I want to do with certain people.

Sometimes I feel alone in my thoughts regarding my friends thinking of me like I think of them. The ones who wont and probably can’t talk with me. I just wish I knew what they really think of me. Even the one person who hates me most.

It wouldn’t bother me much if I had answers, although I know they’re not obligated to tell me everything that happens in their lives. Its just that when people disappear without a word for a long time what am I to think?

I can have many possibilities in my head, but they wont be true until I hear the truth from them myself. 

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