Feeling this horrible feeling coming over me…Must write to get it all out… Shrouded in such hate. Hate for myself. I’m afraid to sleep now. Afraid of the thought..Afraid of losing what’s so very close to me… I feel so helpless.. So useless.. Can someone please help me?? Put my life in perspective! Let me see the light!?! I hate this fear! Please move this fear away from me! I’m terrified! I’m scared of losing again! I feel like the one thing I’ve won in my life could be in jeopardy, and I can’t do a thing about it! Can anyone hear me out there?? Out there in the outside world??
I can’t seem to find peace in this thought. With this thought in mind comes utter destruction. Am I losing it? Am I losing this side of me?! Am I losing what’s left of me? Tears, please comfort me with your cold embrace, for I am doomed. Dammed. Lost. Still losing. Always..losing… I can’t pretend to act like everything’s okay. I know I’m losing, but I go on with this anyway. This just isn’t…fair. Why me?? Why must I suffer so?? I’m such a good person, yet my good deeds are not looked upon. Why can’t a single soul give me a chance at life?!
I’m losing what’s left.. Still, utter silence. Pain within my head. The throbbing of my heart. My heart… Has it yet again been broken..by a “friend”? Please dear Lord, tell me it isn’t so. Please give me a sign if I’m losing. Please let me know so I may undergo this turmoil a bit more.. I know you hate me. You hate to see me smile. You hate to see me rejoice in happiness. You just love to see me break down. Untrustworthy. So reckless. Striving on the wrong path with negative motives.
I can’t pretend to look the other way no longer. I feel broken, and I’m going to let it out. Embracing this dammed feeling and taking it down to the abyss with me…
So long Life. For you were something which was never mine…
“This bitter pill is pushing me away, and now I feel like there’s nothing left to say. And I pretend to look the other way, but in the end, will I be okay? Will I be okay??”
